Wash Day Grief
Have you ever noticed the settings on your washing machine as they relate to grief? Consider these common washing machine settings:
NORMAL: Normal responses following a loss may include mood changes, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, feelings of anger, abandonment, despair, loss of concentration, loss of energy, and the loss of motivation. These responses can vary based upon previous loss experiences, our relationships, and even our personality.
SMALL LOAD: Each person’s grief is a major life event. However, there may be some days the grief pain is not as intense. These days offer the time to catch your breath. Regardless of the relationship…regardless of the circumstances surrounding the loss…it is a major loss.
LARGE LOAD: Grief can bring on very intense feelings. These feelings can be overwhelming, even to someone with a history of always being under control. We can be paralyzed emotionally because of the shock a loss brings.
SPIN CYCLE: Several events can throw a griever into a “spin cycle”. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, photos, music, food, and even fragrances can begin the “spin cycle” of emotions. These are normal twists and turns along the journey of grief.
RINSE CYCLE: The rinse cycle is a time of refreshing. Tears provide a natural rinsing, a cleansing of the soul. Grief encompasses all of the confusing and painful emotions felt after a loss. Mourning is the outward expression of these feelings...whether through tears, words, or actions.
COOL DOWN: No one can take grief away. Expressing grief to a safe person, or becoming part of a grief support group, can provide a “cool down” time. These steps can help soften the pain of grief, but the awareness of the loss will remain.
Give yourself permission to be a “NORMAL” griever. Some days will bring a “SMALL LOAD” of grief…other days will consist of a “LARGE LOAD”. The “SPIN CYCLE” may be intense at times…while the “RINSE CYCLE” of tears can cleanse the soul as we mourn the loss. Peace and acceptance can offer a “COOL DOWN” phase…a time of rest.
Jesus did NOT say “Blessed are those who GRIEVE”! But, He DID say “Blessed are those who MOURN, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4. Grief is the confusing tangle of emotions and feelings that are within following a loss. These may feel like loneliness, sadness, emptiness, anger, guilt and regrets. No one can see our grief, it is personal and private.
But, when we talk about these feelings the grief becomes mourning. A good definition of mourning is “grief gone public”. Mourning may be talking about the feelings, or even actions to honor the life of a loved one who died. Every one grieves, but not everyone mourns in a healthy manner.
Find a safe person who will let you talk about your feelings. As you talk about your grief you are mourning the loss…according to Jesus, that is when you find comfort.
Psalms 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted, He binds up their heart”.
Bob Willis has served as a Southern Baptist minister and hospice Bereavement Coordinator. He is a frequent speaker on grief, loss, and caregiver issues. His book “A Guide For Grievers” was released in June 2017, providing information on grief and supporting those who have experienced a loss. Bob has been a sculptor for over 25 years. In May of 2018, he became the Sculptor at The Great Passion Play, Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
Set your house in order because Christ could come today . . .
And some tasks may be unfinished if you are called away.
An angel may have told you at the early morning light . . .
“Your Lord will come this evening and you’ll be home with Him tonight.”
Our hearts may become clouded as we think of work undone . . .
Those seeds that weren’t scattered and the crowns that we might have won.
There were souls we meant to speak to and Bible verses we meant to share . . .
And there were a lot of wasted moments we could have spent in prayer.
Now there are a few short moments to set undone things right . . .
And feverishly we’d labor until we see the warning light.
We all have a slothful soul and a careless heart and some spiritual eyes that seem to have no sight . . .
We need to work, and not reap in vain regrets, because my Lord Jesus may come tonight.
“Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.” (Matthew 24:44)
Tom Kesting was born and raised in Bluefield, West Virginia, and attended West Virginia University on a football scholarship. He worked in the marketplace doing sales and marketing for 30 years and worked at In Touch Ministries for 26 years. Tom became a Christian when he was 41 years old. Three days a week he broadcasts a 15-minute inspiration program on Facebook and sends out daily encouraging emails to friends and to those interested in positive encouragement and inspiration. Tom lives in Lilburn, Georgia, and has been married for 20 years.
As I wrapped up studying the book of Numbers and turned the corner into Deuteronomy, I parked on the most powerful command in the Bible.
It’s the bold heading for the outline of life.
The umbrella over all the other requests of God.
In my opinion, it's the most important passage in the Bible, because if we do this, everything else falls in place. It’s referred to as the Shema, because God wants us to listen carefully, and heed the following:
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" (Deuteronomy 6:4-5).
God desires for us to love him above others.
To love him with everything we have.
To love him with a whole heart, not half-heartedly.
This means so much to him that he wants us to teach our children to love him like this (Deuteronomy 6:7).
He asks us to talk about our love for him everywhere we go (Deuteronomy 6:7).
He wants us to wear jewelry that tells others that we love him (Deuteronomy 6:8).
And let visitors to our homes know we take this command seriously by posting signs on our doorframes (Deuteronomy 6:9).
Do people know you love God by the way you converse with them?
By what you wear?
By the way your home is decorated?
I knew a woman once who wore the same cross every day. I asked her about the cross, and she replied, “I never take this off because I never want to forget who I belong to.” That was powerful.
My “fisher of men” bracelet is a permanent fixture on my wrist for the same reason. Every time I look at this piece of jewelry, it reminds me what I’m on this earth to do, to always be on the lookout for others to tell about God, and his son Jesus. Like fishing, sometimes it takes time to snag a seeker, but once they are on the hook, you have to be ready to reel them in! You will see crosses on the walls of our home, and the Shema is posted on the doorframe to our garage, so that when we leave, we are reminded to never walk out the door without God’s love as we walk into the world.
I am also wondering how God feels when we don’t love him with all our heart. When we turn away from his commands, we don’t spend time with him, and he never enters our conversation.
I believe he feels like we do when we are rejected.
Rejection is painful. Our hearts break, and it takes a long time to get over losing someone close to us. We might make repeated attempts to reconcile, as God does with us, but eventually we give them the space they desire. And if you’re like me, you beat yourself up, trying to figure out why they don’t love you like you love them.
Think about the last time you were rejected by someone. How did you feel?
I think God’s heart weeps, when we reject his love, and we don’t reciprocate. I think he is disappointed when we don’t appreciate the gifts he’s amply supplied us with. I believe the LORD wants us to stay connected to him 24/7, but he is sad, when we can’t even find five minutes to spend with him in a day.
The truth is we often ignore the most important commandment in the Bible.
So what can we do about it?
We can pray this prayer every day:
Lord you know I love you, but help me to love you with my whole heart.
Remind me that you are with me throughout the day.
I pray that you use me as a vessel of your love, so that your love and compassion will flow through me to others who I encounter.
Enable me to keep your commandments, and I pray I do nothing contrary to your love.
In the Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
Psychologists agree love is one of the top needs of a human. Since God created us in his image, it’s not hard to figure out he is the one who provided us with the ability to give and receive love, because he gives love, and desires to be loved, just like us.
The Bible says God is love.
Today, place loving God at the top of your “to do” list. There's nothing more important.
BIO: Lisa Burkhardt Worley is an award winning author and speaker, and is the Director of Special Projects for Roaring Lambs Ministries. She is also the founder of Pearls of Promise Ministries, a ministry with a goal of helping women overcome dysfunction in their lives. Lisa has co-authored many books including: the Pearls of Promise devotional, If I Only Had…Wrapping Yourself in God’s Truth During Storms of Insecurity, and The Most Powerful P: A Child’s Introduction to the Power of Prayer.
Published on Sunday, September 30, 2018 @ 4:47 PM CDT
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