Wash Day Grief

Have you ever noticed the settings on your washing machine as they relate to grief?  Consider these common washing machine settings:

NORMAL:  Normal responses following a loss may include mood changes, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, feelings of anger, abandonment, despair, loss of concentration, loss of energy, and the loss of motivation.  These responses can vary based upon previous loss experiences, our relationships, and even our personality.

SMALL LOAD:  Each person’s grief is a major life event.  However, there may be some days the grief pain is not as intense.  These days offer the time to catch your breath.   Regardless of the relationship…regardless of the circumstances surrounding the loss…it is a major loss.

LARGE LOAD:  Grief can bring on very intense feelings.  These feelings can be overwhelming, even to someone with a history of always being under control.  We can be paralyzed emotionally because of the shock a loss brings.

SPIN CYCLE: Several events can throw a griever into a “spin cycle”.  Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, photos, music, food, and even fragrances can begin the “spin cycle” of emotions.  These are normal twists and turns along the journey of grief.

RINSE CYCLE:  The rinse cycle is a time of refreshing.  Tears provide a natural rinsing, a cleansing of the soul.  Grief encompasses all of the confusing and painful emotions felt after a loss.  Mourning is the outward expression of these feelings...whether through tears, words, or actions. 

COOL DOWN:  No one can take grief away.  Expressing grief to a safe person, or becoming part of a grief support group, can provide a “cool down” time. These steps can help soften the pain of grief, but the awareness of the loss will remain.  

Give yourself permission to be a “NORMAL” griever.  Some days will bring a “SMALL LOAD” of grief…other days will consist of a “LARGE LOAD”.  The “SPIN CYCLE” may be intense at times…while the “RINSE CYCLE” of tears can cleanse the soul as we mourn the loss.  Peace and acceptance can offer a “COOL DOWN” phase…a time of rest.

Jesus did NOT say “Blessed are those who GRIEVE”!  But, He DID say “Blessed are those who MOURN, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4.  Grief is the confusing tangle of emotions and feelings that are within following a loss. These may feel like loneliness, sadness, emptiness, anger, guilt and regrets.  No one can see our grief, it is personal and private. 

But, when we talk about these feelings the grief becomes mourning.  A good definition of mourning is “grief gone public”. Mourning may be talking about the feelings, or even actions to honor the life of a loved one who died. Every one grieves, but not everyone mourns in a healthy manner.

Find a safe person who will let you talk about your feelings. As you talk about your grief you are mourning the loss…according to Jesus, that is when you find comfort.

Psalms 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted, He binds up their heart”.

Bob Willis has served as a Southern Baptist minister and hospice Bereavement Coordinator. He is a frequent speaker on grief, loss, and caregiver issues.  His book “A Guide For Grievers” was released in June 2017, providing information on grief and supporting those who have experienced a loss. Bob has been a sculptor for over 25 years.  In May of 2018, he became the Sculptor at The Great Passion Play, Eureka Springs, Arkansas.

 

Tonight

Tonight

Set your house in order because Christ could come today . . .

And some tasks may be unfinished if you are called away.

An angel may have told you at the early morning light . . .

“Your Lord will come this evening and you’ll be home with Him tonight.”

Our hearts may become clouded as we think of work undone . . .

Those seeds that weren’t scattered and the crowns that we might have won.

There were souls we meant to speak to and Bible verses we meant to share . . .

And there were a lot of wasted moments we could have spent in prayer.

Now there are a few short moments to set undone things right . . .

And feverishly we’d labor until we see the warning light.

We all have a slothful soul and a careless heart and some spiritual eyes that seem to have no sight . . .

We need to work, and not reap in vain regrets, because my Lord Jesus may come tonight.

“Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.” (Matthew 24:44)

Tom Kesting was born and raised in Bluefield, West Virginia, and attended West Virginia University on a football scholarship. He worked in the marketplace doing sales and marketing for 30 years and worked at In Touch Ministries for 26 years. Tom became a Christian when he was 41 years old. Three days a week he broadcasts a 15-minute inspiration program on Facebook and sends out daily encouraging emails to friends and to those interested in positive encouragement and inspiration. Tom lives in Lilburn, Georgia, and has been married for 20 years.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 1:36 PM

New Year, New Beginnings

Wednesday, January 2, 2019 1:36 PM
Wednesday, January 2, 2019 1:36 PM

“It snowed last night,” I cried out in delight.  As a child, I loved spending weekends at my parents’ cabin in the mountains near Lake Arrowhead, CA. When it snowed, white blanketed the pine trees and carpeted the ground. Footprints had not yet marred the landscape. Everything seemed so fresh, pristine, new. 

As an adult, do you ever want a fresh start? I do. I usually don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I am more reflective. The new year brings prospects for change, becoming unburdened with past mistakes and seizing new opportunities. But to do so takes work. That is why my number one priority for the new year is to think about what I am thinking about.

You have heard it said, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Scientists have confirmed this by discovering that negative thoughts stemming from emotions such as repressed anger, fear, guilt, and unforgiveness trigger chemical reactions in our brain and body and lead to poor health outcomes. Researchers state that over 75% of illnesses can be attributed to negative thinking. Conversely, positive thoughts, such as gratefulness, lead to increased resiliency, decreased stress, and improved immune system functioning. Being aware of my positive and negative thoughts is important because I have multiple sclerosis, an autoimmune disease, but it is also important for EVERYONE.       

We can’t always change our circumstances but we can choose our response.

Even when we experience difficult times, we can find reasons to be grateful. Being disabled and in a wheelchair, it is easy to overlook good things and focus on what I can’t do any more. Your situation may be different than mine, but everyone has challenges. This coming year I plan to keep a journal of things I am thankful for, then review it daily, especially when I start to feel “down in the dumps.”

How Do I Get Started?

Some people find it useful to write in a notebook, but for me it is easier to keep the journal on my phone. I started by just jotting down a list on the Notes app on my phone, but of course there is an app for everything, so find one that works for you.

What Do I Include?

Recognizing the little things is important. It’s a good idea to try and write a certain number of things down each day – maybe three or more. Try not to repeat things on your list. You can write about things that happened in your day, physical things (like your favorite shirt or a comfy bed), people in your life, and your abilities. Include why you are grateful for each item and how it makes you feel. For example:

-I am grateful for my Sleep Number bed because in the morning I can make the mattress firmer and the head raises up so I can get out of bed by myself. This makes me feel more independent. 

-I am grateful for my 2 ½ year old granddaughter coming over to play with her new princess toy because there is such joy in seeing a child delighted.

What Else?

Think about and thank God for the things on your list several times each day: morning, noon, and night. I have a wallhanging in my house that says, “Thankful, Grateful, Blessed.”  This reminds me to be grateful to God for all of His blessings.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17 (NIV)

BIO: Dr. Sherry Ryan is a blogger, writer and speaker. She retired in 2013 from the University of North Texas as an Associate Professor of Information Technology and Decision Sciences. Prior to earning her doctorate, she worked for IBM, teaching courses and speaking at national conferences.

Sherry's blog SeatedExpectations.com provides "Inspiration and Information for Overcoming Life's Challenges." 

« back

E-List SignUp Form

How to Submit a Blog

Blog Guidelines:

Share about:

  • Our good God
  • How God is at work in your life
  • A witnessing experience
  • Something Scripture has taught you

Guidelines: 

  • Must be 500 words or less
  • Contain at least one Scripture
  • Include an interesting title

Along with your blog, submit an 80-word bio with your "headshot" photo to ministry@RoaringLambs.org

*Roaring Lambs has the right to edit any submission.