Wash Day Grief

Have you ever noticed the settings on your washing machine as they relate to grief?  Consider these common washing machine settings:

NORMAL:  Normal responses following a loss may include mood changes, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, feelings of anger, abandonment, despair, loss of concentration, loss of energy, and the loss of motivation.  These responses can vary based upon previous loss experiences, our relationships, and even our personality.

SMALL LOAD:  Each person’s grief is a major life event.  However, there may be some days the grief pain is not as intense.  These days offer the time to catch your breath.   Regardless of the relationship…regardless of the circumstances surrounding the loss…it is a major loss.

LARGE LOAD:  Grief can bring on very intense feelings.  These feelings can be overwhelming, even to someone with a history of always being under control.  We can be paralyzed emotionally because of the shock a loss brings.

SPIN CYCLE: Several events can throw a griever into a “spin cycle”.  Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, photos, music, food, and even fragrances can begin the “spin cycle” of emotions.  These are normal twists and turns along the journey of grief.

RINSE CYCLE:  The rinse cycle is a time of refreshing.  Tears provide a natural rinsing, a cleansing of the soul.  Grief encompasses all of the confusing and painful emotions felt after a loss.  Mourning is the outward expression of these feelings...whether through tears, words, or actions. 

COOL DOWN:  No one can take grief away.  Expressing grief to a safe person, or becoming part of a grief support group, can provide a “cool down” time. These steps can help soften the pain of grief, but the awareness of the loss will remain.  

Give yourself permission to be a “NORMAL” griever.  Some days will bring a “SMALL LOAD” of grief…other days will consist of a “LARGE LOAD”.  The “SPIN CYCLE” may be intense at times…while the “RINSE CYCLE” of tears can cleanse the soul as we mourn the loss.  Peace and acceptance can offer a “COOL DOWN” phase…a time of rest.

Jesus did NOT say “Blessed are those who GRIEVE”!  But, He DID say “Blessed are those who MOURN, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4.  Grief is the confusing tangle of emotions and feelings that are within following a loss. These may feel like loneliness, sadness, emptiness, anger, guilt and regrets.  No one can see our grief, it is personal and private. 

But, when we talk about these feelings the grief becomes mourning.  A good definition of mourning is “grief gone public”. Mourning may be talking about the feelings, or even actions to honor the life of a loved one who died. Every one grieves, but not everyone mourns in a healthy manner.

Find a safe person who will let you talk about your feelings. As you talk about your grief you are mourning the loss…according to Jesus, that is when you find comfort.

Psalms 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted, He binds up their heart”.

Bob Willis has served as a Southern Baptist minister and hospice Bereavement Coordinator. He is a frequent speaker on grief, loss, and caregiver issues.  His book “A Guide For Grievers” was released in June 2017, providing information on grief and supporting those who have experienced a loss. Bob has been a sculptor for over 25 years.  In May of 2018, he became the Sculptor at The Great Passion Play, Eureka Springs, Arkansas.

 

Tonight

Tonight

Set your house in order because Christ could come today . . .

And some tasks may be unfinished if you are called away.

An angel may have told you at the early morning light . . .

“Your Lord will come this evening and you’ll be home with Him tonight.”

Our hearts may become clouded as we think of work undone . . .

Those seeds that weren’t scattered and the crowns that we might have won.

There were souls we meant to speak to and Bible verses we meant to share . . .

And there were a lot of wasted moments we could have spent in prayer.

Now there are a few short moments to set undone things right . . .

And feverishly we’d labor until we see the warning light.

We all have a slothful soul and a careless heart and some spiritual eyes that seem to have no sight . . .

We need to work, and not reap in vain regrets, because my Lord Jesus may come tonight.

“Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.” (Matthew 24:44)

Tom Kesting was born and raised in Bluefield, West Virginia, and attended West Virginia University on a football scholarship. He worked in the marketplace doing sales and marketing for 30 years and worked at In Touch Ministries for 26 years. Tom became a Christian when he was 41 years old. Three days a week he broadcasts a 15-minute inspiration program on Facebook and sends out daily encouraging emails to friends and to those interested in positive encouragement and inspiration. Tom lives in Lilburn, Georgia, and has been married for 20 years.

Monday, September 3, 2018 9:13 PM

Just In Case

Monday, September 3, 2018 9:13 PM
Monday, September 3, 2018 9:13 PM

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid." Isaiah 12:2a

The young woman at our restaurant table had a story, and I’m still not sure how much was fact and fiction. Danielle had stopped us on the sidewalk looking for a hot meal. She accepted our invitation to join us for lunch and gladly ordered on our tab.

She said her boyfriend had booted her out of his life, and she’d been pounding the pavement looking for a job. The conversation turned to trust. “I’ve learned that the only person you can trust is yourself,” she declared.

“You know,” I said, “You can’t trust yourself, either.” The Bible has story after story about people who tried to trust themselves. And I know from my own experience why they always failed. I make promises to myself that I fail to keep all the time. Why am I drinking this sweet tea right now, when I told myself I would start drinking more water?

Then we went briefly through the Good News that God spends all of human history foretelling—then living as a man —then dying for our sins (our ongoing efforts to trust ourselves instead of Him)—then proving His power over death with resurrection. I felt like she was letting me tell a story she’d heard a million times before, the cost of accepting a meal from a stranger. But you never know.

She may not have been convicted right then of her misplaced trust, but God was telling me plenty about my own. I kept second-guessing, “Am I telling this story well enough?”

I realized I was falling into that same old trap—wanting to trust myself with the story instead of trusting God to use whatever words He laid on my heart at the moment. What a paradox. What a reminder that my ongoing need for Jesus’ grace never ends.

Who are you counting on today? God or Self? Or maybe that question is too simple. While you count on God, are you still holding onto some expectations of your self to pull out “just in case?” So am I. But God is working on that. He’s already prepared the feast and paid the tab. May His story fall on fresh ears every day, and especially mine (and yours).

 “Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God” (2 Corinthians 3:4-5).

Mike Branch has had a career in magazines, marketing and copywriting. He and his wife, Sherry, have four children and are expecting their thirteenth grandchild. Last year, he published his first book, True Stories to Remind You of Heaven When Life Hurts Like Hell. His book is available at PicklePerfectPublishing.com.

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